You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
