Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
