Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
