I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
