Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
