I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
