wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
