Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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