I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
