there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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