nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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