dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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