a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
