Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
