Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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