There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Welp...herpes.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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