overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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