Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
