Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
