Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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