everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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