Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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