I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The dick lei will go down in squad history
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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