just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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