am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
