After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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