okay pat passed out under dana's car
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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