Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
