This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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