seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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