oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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