bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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