i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
