This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
