I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
