Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
