he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
