So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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