I got chris browned last night
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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