We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You need a sexual gate keeper
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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