I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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