Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize