this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
