Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
