Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
