For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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