Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Houston, we have a squirter
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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