I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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