I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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