2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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