Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize