4 words: hood of his car
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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