I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Operation Purity has been aborted
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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