meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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