Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
