I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
