Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Operation Purity has been aborted
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
