he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Randomize
