I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
