I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Randomize
