franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
