from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
