You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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