Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
