you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
