Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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