party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
