Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
