dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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