i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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