When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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