this boner is exhausting
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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