Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
