WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
im having a threesome with these popsicles
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
