With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
