1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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