Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
