y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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