awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
