Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Randomize
