When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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