i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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