Just fell off a train. Bad.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
